A Year Without Big Decisions

In the next few years, I will be deciding what college I want to go to. This is probably the biggest decision in my life so far, and I will only be 16 when I am making it! It’s great to have options and to be able to consider different choices, but sometimes I wish someone would just tell me, “Christine, you have to go to this school, and that’s it, period.” That way, if it’s the wrong decision, it’s not my fault.

There are so many things about this that make me nervous. What if I go away to school and I get really, really sick? I’m gonna miss my family, especially my little sister, and I will definitely miss my dog. I don’t know how to do laundry! What happens if I choose a major and hate it? What if I stay at home and then I’m miserable because everyone else goes away? There are many more things I could add to this list, and it feels like my brain will explode. So I don’t want to think about it right now.

This year, I want a year without any big decisions. I just want to be 14 going on 15, not 14 going on 20. I don’t want to hear about how I didn’t accept the research program in science that meant giving up my next three summers to be in a lab with a scientist…I don’t like science (thanks, Mom and Dad, for letting me blow it off). I make enough little decisions every day—that should add up to one big decision every week, and that should be enough.

Think about the pressure in my life and the life of a freshman in high school: Wake up at 5:45 to do my hair every day so I don’t look like a freak, be at the bus stop at 7 a.m. (gotta talk to Poppa and ask him to drive me, ’cause it’s too cold for this right now), keep up my grades, do all the after-school stuff, pick the right friends (the ones my parents approve of), go to dance classes and competitions, study, keep my room clean and more. I do love all of it, but there’s no time to think about the big stuff like college and careers, and even bigger stuff like child abuse, terrorism and global warming. Teenagers 30 years ago didn’t have to think about this stuff; why should we?

So if it’s OK, I promise to do everything I am supposed to do this year, and I will try to keep my room clean, and I won’t lose my iPod or my Uggs again. Let’s keep the decisions small for now. Sixteen is just around the corner.